Through the Eyes of Children (Angels Among Us)

I love the innocence of children and I strongly believe God uses children in a positive way to open the eyes and hearts of adults.  Often times adults over analyze situations, brush situations off as coincidences and have the need to “see it to believe it.”  Children have not been tarnished by the negative influences of the world and they are able to take things for face value.  Before Mom’s terminal illness, I always needed to find an explanation for the unexplained things that were happening in our lives.  Now that we have experienced living through Mom’s sickness and death, I am able to see much more clear!  We have been showered by signs and blessings from heaven and we know Mom is with us!

One of the most reassuring and amazing things that happened during Rochelle’s treatment occurred in early June 2013.  The experience Anisten and Rochelle explain is very clear that bigger things are happening and God is in control.  Below is Rochelle’s version of the story taken from her Caring Bridge website:

“I have to share an inspiring dream that I experienced this past weekend.  As most of you know, we had some spiritual experiences when my Mom was on hospice and since she has passed.  A few months ago, when we were on our way to Kansas City to visit my sister and her family, Anisten, out of the blue pointed ahead and said, "Look, there is Nana up in the sky right there!"  We asked her what she was doing and Anisten replied, "She is waving at me and smiling and saying that she loves me."

Last weekend we were traveling to our friends’ cabin near Yankton, SD and Anisten once again said, "Look, over there.  There is an angel in the sky."  That next night, I had a very real and vivid dream and I truly believe Mom spoke to me.  We were walking down some stairs and Mom had her arm around me and softly spoke in my ear and said, "You know those times that Anisten said she saw me and an angel, IT WAS ME." Then she had her surprised laugh like she was excited to tell me this.  I looked at her and asked, "So are you going to come and talk to me in more dreams and she had a smirk on her face and looked up like she was letting me know it is completely up to God."  I had to wake up to tell this to Scott so I didn't forget the details.  I do believe this was not a coincidence, but rather it was a spiritual intervention.”

I would like to share a story of another five year old girl who had a similar experience to Anisten’s experience.  We had a case in our office regarding the death of a young man involved in an accident.  Shortly after the accident, we received a letter and a drawing from a woman and her five year old daughter that were stalled in traffic as a result of the accident.  At the time, the woman and little girl did not know the cause of the traffic jam.  While they were sitting in traffic, the little girl starting drawing picture of two angels and she told her mother that one was a girl and the other was a boy.  She also told her mother that they were going to God.  The woman later learned about the tragic accident.  Unbeknownst to this woman and five year old girl, the family that lost their son on that day previously lost their daughter in an accident.  Based on this little girl’s account of what she saw, I believe the young man was being welcomed to heaven by his little sister.  

Anisten has reported seeing Nana on other occasions.  Rochelle and Scott have learned to embrace the moment when Anisten opens up about her experiences.  Anisten has seen Nana at church in Gretna as well as during Sunday school.  Anisten said Nana sat by her during her first class.  Anisten has also reported that Nana helped her get dressed one morning.  Being the spunky little girl that she is, Anisten likes to pick out her own outfits.  According to Rochelle and Scott, Anisten has created fashion statements. Like many five year old girls, she likes to go against the current trends by choosing colors that may not exactly go together.  Once morning, Anisten walked out of her room and her outfit matched perfectly!  Rochelle and Scott complimented her and she said, “Thanks.  Nana helped me pick it out!”  She further explained that she had her shirt picked out and she was trying to decide which pair of shorts to wear.  Anisten said Nana pointed to the orange pair and said, “I like those.”   

There was another time when Anisten reported seeing both Nana and Grams.  Anisten and Scott were outside playing basketball and all of a sudden Anisten said, “Daddy.  There is an angel behind you.  It is Nana.  I also see Grams.”  When Scott asked what they looked like Anisten said that Grams was in her wheelchair but it had wings on the back!  

The morning of Mom’s funeral, Bryson told me he had a dream of Nana the night before.  He said we were all in the living room at Nana and Papa’s house and Nana came up the stairs, passed through the living room and as she exited the front door, she waved good bye.   Bryson explained it was as if she was floating rather than walking.  

Mom loved Christmas music 365 days out of the year!  She also really liked the artist, Kenny G.  I am my mother’s daughter!  I love instrumental Christmas music and there are approximately 60 Christmas songs on my ipod.  Just recently, Holden and I were on our way to the store.   As we were driving Holden said, “This song reminds me of Nana.”  My eyes filled up with tears when I told him that “White Christmas” was Nana’s favorite song.  Not to mention, Kenny G. was the artist.  There is no way Holden would have known that was Mom’s favorite song.  It’s the little things and the subtle reminders Mom is walking with us each day! 

Before Mom’s illness, we likely would have credited the kids’ imagination for their experiences but we truly believe children see things adults do not. 

After Mom’s death, Rochelle and Dad continued to have dreams with positive experiences.  Unfortunately, I had reoccurring dreams of Mom’s last few minutes on earth. I could see myself sitting around Mom in her recliner in Rochelle and Scott’s living room and as she was taking her last breath, I would wake up.   I was reassured by Rochelle and Dad’s positive experiences and I was hopeful I would eventually have a good dream or a sign from Mom. 

One of Dad’s reassuring moments involved the purple crystal angel we bought at Gretna Drug.  Dad said he was having a particularly rough day shortly after Mom passed away.  He had been in town and driving around the farm when he decided to go home.  Later that afternoon when he got back in his truck, he noticed something was different.  The angel that had been hanging from the mirror was flipped backwards and was facing the rear view mirror.  Dad knew he entered the drive way in the same manner he had many times before but the thought crossed his mind that he drove in too fast and the angel must have flipped from the force.  Dad fixed the angel and he backed up out of the drive way and onto the blacktop.  He put the truck in drive and he entered the drive way as hard and fast as he could and the angel swung back and forth not even close to flipping over the mirror.  Dad said there is no way he entered the drive way fast enough for the angel to flip over the back of the mirror.  He took it as a sign from Mom to get himself together!  

It took Dad some time to have a dream about Mom.  Dad said the dream was so real and comforting.  He explained he was praying at St. Catherine’s Church in Indianola.   He was on one of the kneelers at the front of the church when all of a sudden he heard loud footsteps behind him.  He then felt hands on his shoulders and heard, “Les.  It’s me, Nancy.  I am okay.”  When Dad turned around he woke up from his dream. 

October 13, 2013 marked one year since Mom’s passing.  We all wanted to be together as we remembered Mom on her one year anniversary.  It was difficult being home without Mom but it was nice being together to celebrate her life.  It was hard to believe an entire year had come and gone.  There were times that it seemed Mom had been gone for years and there were times it felt as if she were only gone for days.   In the beginning we would count days, then weeks.  It eventually go to the point where months had passed.  I used to talk to Mom every day, if not more and it was hard to believe an entire year had passed without physically talking to her.  There were times I would find myself picking up the phone and getting ready to dial Mom’s number when it occurred to me she was gone.  Old habits are hard to break.  It was also strange not going to Hillcrest to visit Grams like we had in the past. 

As we were together the weekend of Mom’s anniversary, we reminisced about the prior year.  We found ourselves saying, “This time last year we were (x).”  We talked about the many spiritual experiences—the incense in Rochelle and Scott’s room as well as the incense during Mom’s funeral.  We also talked about the angel Mom saw in the hours leading up to her death.  We also talked about the rollercoaster ride with Rochelle’s diagnosis and treatment.  We were all terribly saddened about losing Mom but we agreed if that is how it had to be, we were thankful the experience was behind us. Our emotions were still very raw but we all were doing what Mom wanted us to do.  We were living each day to the fullest and we were doing our best to be happy! 

The grandkids were able to take part in harvest.  It had been a couple years since they were able to help Papa drive the combine.  The kids had a blast picking corn from the “grandkids field” as well as taking the corn to the elevator in Bartley.  Harvest was a tradition that was started in 2009 and I hope it continues as long as Dad is farming.  

Rochelle and Scott met Deanna before Josh and I.  They met a few weeks prior when Dad and Deanna took a road trip to Gretna.  Rochelle and Scott had a really nice time getting to know her and they had very positive things to say about her.   Josh and I were anxious to finally meet Deanna; the woman who brought life back into Dad.  Deanna drove to the farm after work on Friday and we met a very caring, wonderful person with whom we immediately connected with.  We were all a little nervous to meet for the first time but it was very easy getting to know her.  It felt like we knew here our whole lives and it was obvious how happy they made one another.  It was such a relief knowing Dad was no longer alone.  I could hear the happiness in his voice and it was obvious he was excited about life again.  He will always love Mom but he is doing what she wanted.

On Sunday, October 13 we attended mass at St. Catherine’s Catholic Church in Indianola.  I helped in the kitchen serving rolls and washing glasses and cups I spent time with one of Mom’s prior co-workers.  As Sharon and I were talking, I thanked her for giving Mom some of her vacation time.  Dad previously shared with me that Sharon graciously sold some of her vacation time and gave it to Mom.  I remember early on during Mom’s illness she received a print out from the hospital showing how much paid time off she had.  Mom was adamant that the print out wrong because a lot more time was showing up than she remembered having.  It all made sense when Dad shared the story with our family.  This was yet another act of kindness, amongst many, that were shown to our family during Mom’s illness and after her passing.

Following coffee and rolls, we went to the cemetery.  Several of us gathered around and we held hands and prayed Hail Mary and Our Father.  The kids each found corn leaves and tried to stick them in the ground on Mom’s grave.  Dennis McConville pulled out his pocket knife and dug out a little bit of the hard dirt so the kids could stick their golden colored corn leaves on Mom’s grave for decoration. 

After we left the cemetery we returned to Dad’s house to get packed up and to head back home.  We wanted to give ourselves extra time to get home because at that time, Layton was only 5 weeks old.  Given our track record with traveling with newborns, we needed to plan on several extra hours to make it home at a decent time.  It was sad leaving Dad but it was also comforting knowing he was not alone.   Dad and Deanna had plans to go out that evening for dinner.  It always broke my heart in the past when I talked to Dad and he was eating at a restaurant by himself.  Our family and friends did a wonderful job keeping Dad company and continuing to invite him to dinner and events.  We will always be grateful for the lifelong friendships that have been established in Indianola and the surrounding area. We knew with fall coming on, harvest would come and go and we would get to see Dad more as well as get to know Deanna better. 

As I was driving to work today (October 13, 2014), I couldn’t help but be sad thinking about how two years have already passed.  The boys and I watched Mom’s tribute video last night while Josh was at work.  I am glad the boys were watching it with me because their innocent comments definitely lightened the mood.  As pictures of Mom were appearing on the video, Holden would say, “There’s Ro!” and “There’s you Mom.  I never realized how much Rochelle and I resemble Mom but it brought me a lot of comfort that our kids can see their Nana in us! I pointed out to Holden that the pictures he was looking at were of Nana when she was younger.  This blew his mind!  He didn’t recognize Dad in any of the older pictures.   Once we got to more recent pictures, Holden said, “There’s the normal Papa!” 

I have yet to make it through the tribute video without crying.  Bryson could tell I was upset so he demanded I stop crying or he would turn the video off and we would go to bed!  I wonder where he has heard that before? (Not the crying part but the "if you don't stop you are going to your room" part).

The cold fall like weather has finally set in.  It was hard to get up this morning because it was dark and dreary.  As I was driving to work, I couldn’t help but mentally put ourselves back two years ago to the date.  I imagined us sitting around Mom in the living room watching her fade away.  All of a sudden, a song came on the radio that caught my attention.  I turned it up and I was immediately hooked.  It was almost as if that song was meant for me that very moment.  The song is titled, “Today Is Beautiful” by David Dunn.  The song starts out by talking about struggles in life but “if you lift your eyes, you see it in a different light.  Let the rain fall away cause today is beautiful.” Despite being sad about not having Mom on earth with us, today is beautiful.  Rather than mourning her loss, we are celebrating her life.  Our family has become even stronger and we have all developed an even closer relationship with God.  Had these life changing events not occurred, today would be just another day.  TODAY IS BEAUTIFUL and we will continue to celebrate Mom’s life and legacy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdj_w3MxQXo

Sometimes the day won't ever end
Sometimes you just throw up your hands

It's the little things sometimes

Sometimes the world has just gone dark

Sometimes your praying for a spark
It's the little things sometimes

But if you lift your eyes
See it in a different light
Just a cloud up in the open sky
Let the rain, fall away
Cause today is beautiful

Right now it feels so hard to breath
Right now you're asking God why me
It's what you can see right now

Lift your eyes
See it in a different light
Just a cloud up in the open sky
Let the rain, fall away
Cause today is beautiful