I always enjoy getting away from the city life and
visiting home. Indianola will always be
home to me. In 2009 we decided to go
home for harvest. Bryson was just shy of
2 years old. Surprisingly he sat in the
combine with Dad and Josh for hours upon hours. He sat on Papa’s lap and drove the
combine. Thankfully we have several
clips of video Josh captured during Bryson’s first harvest.
We decided to take part in harvest in October
2010. Bryson was almost 3 and Holden was
only 5 months old. Once again Bryson
spent hours in the combine. Holden was
too little so he only got to sit on Papa’s lap for a photo opportunity. Mom and Dad had a field they called the
“grandkids’ field.” They would work hard
to get out the corn but they wanted to be sure to save a patch for the kids to
pick. The weather was not ideal on that
Saturday. It rained on and off so
getting the corn out took some time. I
remember Dad told me he said a quick prayer asking to be able to get the corn
out and then to let it rain. Shortly
thereafter a rainbow appeared. They were
able to get the corn out on Saturday afternoon. That evening we went to the
Rocket for pizza to celebrate. We almost
had dinner by candlelight that night because they were having problems with the
electricity. The lights eventually came
back on and we were able to enjoy our pizza with some good friends (with the lights
on).
We had a lot of fun and as usual, the trips home are
never long enough. We hugged and told
each other “see you later” as we got into our vehicle. Mom never liked to say good bye. She said "good bye is too permanent" so we chose to say "see you later" instead. We were sad to leave but we knew we were
going to see each other the following weekend at Mahoney State Park for a weekend
camping trip planned by Ro and Scott.
Everything seemed normal as we pulled out of the circle drive and headed
towards Olathe. We arrived home
approximately seven hours later and got ready for another work week.
I had gotten called for jury duty on that Monday in
the District Court of Johnson County. I
went to the office early that morning to make up some of the time for being
gone for jury duty. I sent an email to
Mom at work to remind her I was going to be out of the office that morning and
possibly the entire day. She did not respond but that wasn’t out of the
ordinary. I figured she was busy at work
and hadn’t seen my email or did not have time to respond.
I arrived at the courthouse, got checked in and
filtered into the holding room with the other potential jurors. We all got seated and they informed us that
the case had settled that morning therefore the trial was cancelled. I walked back to my car and reached for my
cell phone to call Mom at work. I
accidentally called Mom on her cell phone rather than her work phone. As the phone was ringing I looked at my phone
and realized I misdialed and was calling Mom on her cell. When Mom answered I instantly was sick to my
stomach. I could tell by the sound of
her voice something was not right.
Before Mom could say much, she told me I am like a bloodhound because I
have a way of sniffing out problems.
Mom informed me she and Kem were at the house
waiting for her doctor from Omaha to call her back. I instantly broke down and started
crying. I knew exactly what she
meant. Mom proceeded to tell me that she
found a lump in her right breast. She
tried to reassure me but she flat out said she is certain she has breast
cancer. I felt as if I was in the middle
of a nightmare and could not wake up.
Mom said she found the lump in early September but she did not think it
could possibly be cancer again. During
the 17 years she was in remission, there was always the thought of “what if the
cancer comes back?” but honestly I never thought it would. Back in 1993 Mom insisted on having a double
mastectomy so she would never have to face this again but her local doctor told
her “the chance of getting cancer again is nil.” At one point Mom was told that the cancer
typically skips a generation so she would not have to worry about my sister and
I but she would have to worry about her future grandkids. Naturally this worried Mom but she needed to
focus on the situation at hand rather than focusing on years down the road.
I had flashbacks from the day Mom sat on the side of
my bed and told me she was going to the doctor to get a lump in her breast
checked. All of those feeling came
rushing back 10 fold. I fully
understood the magnitude of the situation at the age of 26 (almost 27) as
compared to when I was 10.
Mom was trying to be strong but I knew she was
scared. I was so confused by the news
given the fact we were just at the farm less than 24 hours ago and everything
seemed normal. Mom told me she knew she
had a problem but she wanted to get all of the crops out before she addressed
the issue. That was Mom. She always put everybody else before
her. This was a situation, amongst others, in which I
wish she would have put herself before others. I wish she would have sought help when she discovered the lump in early
September.
Mom was very persistent and insistent that she be
seen by her oncologist, Dr. Reed in Omaha the following day. Despite her fears, Mom commented how she felt
some comfort knowing she had been through this before and she knew what to
expect. Mom was so good at always
finding the positives in every situation.
Mom and Dad packed up and drove to Gretna so she could be at her
appointment the following morning. It
was a bit of a blessing that she was a prior patient because she was able to
get in right away as opposed to being seen as a new patient.
I got back to the office and I went straight to
Mike’s office and tried to explain the situation. Through the tears, he could tell the
situation just turned my life upside down.
In the past, I briefly shared Mom’s history with breast cancer but I
never shared the details. Mike is a very
religious man. He is always very busy
but he always takes time for his employees.
Mike provided comfort with his religious background. I really do not
remember the rest of the day but I made it through.
The following day was really tough. I knew Mom was in good hands in Omaha but
waiting for the phone to ring is something I am not good at. I knew she was going to be put through a
series of tests to see just how advanced the cancer was this time. Unfortunately throughout the next couple years I
became very accustomed to waiting for my caller ID to say “Mom Cell” and
hearing her reassuring voice on the other end of the line.
We texted each other throughout the day but I
couldn’t wait to hear her voice. The
doctors were running behind as usual so I would receive various texts
throughout the day letting me know they were in the waiting room and they did
not have any news as to the results of the numerous tests.
I came home after work but I could not stand sitting
around waiting for the phone to ring. I
gathered Bryson and Holden and we drove around.
I was focused on staying strong for my kids but inside I was
crumbling. Chinese food is my default
comfort food when I am feeling down. I
wasn’t even hungry but I needed some Chinese food to help distract me from the awful
feeling I had. The boys and I drove
through Panda Express and I ordered way too much food (but ate it anyways). Finally at about 5:30 that evening, my phone
rang and “Mom Cell” appeared on my screen.
I picked up the phone and typical Mom, “Hey honey. What are you up to?” as if nothing was going
on. I told her I was indulging on
Chinese and then I jumped right to it.
“What did you find out?” I asked.
She and Dad informed me that the results of the biopsy would not be back
for a few days but based on the ultrasound, her doctor told her he was 99.9%
sure it was cancer. Mom and Dad sounded
very optimistic about the situation.
Thanks to their persistence, Mom had an appointment that Friday to get
her port put in so she could start chemo therapy the following week. Despite the fact she had to have an
outpatient procedure performed, Dad and Mom confirmed the weekend camping trip
to Mahoney was still on.
Incredible! Not many people
would be able to be that strong but once again, Mom wanted normalcy for her
family.
We also had a very good conversation about
disclosure of Mom’s health situation.
Dad and Mom both expressed relief that they could be open about the
situation as compared to her diagnosis 17 years prior. There was no need to hide information from Ro
and I now that we were both adults and had families of our own. I was comforted by this because I do not
handle the unknowns very well. I am a
pessimist by nature and I let my mind wonder. I can deal with situations but I cannot deal with the unknowns.
That Friday, we headed for Nebraska after work. We stopped in Gretna to help Ro and Scott get
the food packed for the weekend. We
headed to Mahoney State Park shortly after 5:00 p.m..
As usual, the doctors were running behind due to an emergency so they
bumped Mom’s surgery to a later time. I
am sure Mom was anxious about the delay but she later expressed she was
gracious the emergency wasn’t hers and she acknowledged there is always
somebody worse off than us. The faith this woman had was profound!
We finally got the call around 7:00 that they were on their way to the
camp site. By the time Dad and Mom
arrived we had our cozy cabin set up for the weekend.
Mom was such a trooper. She was a little “woozy” from the procedure
but she put on her happy face and had a great time. Within a couple hours of arriving at the
cabin she ate a little supper and kicked back and watched TV. We had a great weekend at Mahoney. We spent time on the wildlife safari and
hiking through the wilderness.
We were at the cabin during Halloween weekend. We ate breakfast at the buffet each
morning. The first morning we were there
the workers wore Halloween masks. Anisten
and Bryson were afraid of the masks and one of the waiters recognized
this. He was a typical teenager looking
to have a good time. He continued to
walk by our table with his mask on so the little ones would be afraid. Mom’s feathers got ruffled after the third or
fourth passing of this kid. She finally
tracked him down, told him to take off his mask so the kids could see he was
“fake.” Go Mom! She was not going to let some kid terrorize
her grandkids!
We all had a wonderful time but I dreaded the
departure more than ever. I knew what
was in store for Mom in the coming weeks.
I could feel the tears building as we said our “see you later(s)” in the
parking lot. We all went our separate
ways and I cried most of the way home.
The October 28, 2010 pathology report reads as
follows:
Final
Diagnosis: 1) Invasive Ductal Adenocarcinoma, right
breast; 2) right axillary node, metastatic, poorly differentiated
adenocarcinoma; 3) Triple Negative Breast Cancer.
Triple Negative Breast Cancer is what Mom had in
1993. It is my understanding this type
of cancer is the most aggressive and resistant to several of the chemo
medications available. The course of treatment was different from 1993. Rather than having the mastectomy first and
then receiving treatment, the recommendation was to undergo chemo therapy, have
the mastectomy and finish up with radiation.
Radiation would only be necessary if a certain amount of the lymph nodes
were cancerous, however, we would not find that out until Mom completed her
chemo and underwent the mastectomy and lymph node biopsies.
The course of treatment seemed unsettling to me but
how does a 20 something argue with the latest research and the best team of
doctors Nebraska has to offer. It seemed
counter intuitive to keep the breast intact knowing the cancerous tumor was
present. Mom and Dad expressed their
reservations to the team of doctors but they reassured them this was the way to
go. They would be able to measure
whether or not the tumor was shrinking based on the “cocktail” given. If the tumor was not shrinking, the plan would be to try another mixture of chemo until they got favorable
results. Once we received a detailed
explanation we felt somewhat better about the decision.
It was still unnerving but the doctors know what they are doing. If they were to remove the breast and then
administer chemo, they would have to basically guess whether or not her body
was reacting positively to the chemo.
If there were cells floating around her body that were too small to
detect on the preliminary scans, it would be too late to treat once they became
aware of the cells.
Mom was ready to move forward with the treatment now
that she had her “road map.” She always
felt better once she had a treatment plan in place.
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