Lucky (or unlucky) 13

Mom had an incredibly positive outlook on life despite her struggles with her health issues and ultimately with her terminal diagnosis.  She had the profound ability to look at the glass half full rather than half empty.  She was a person who was relied upon heavily by many to help get through trying times.  With that said, Mom was by no means super-human. She too would get angry, sad and scared but she would quickly bounce back and search for the positives in nearly every situation.  If you have been following our story and/or if you personally knew Mom, you can see how positive she was and how much of an impact she made on our family.  Her positivity radiated off of her and you couldn’t help but feel better after talking to her. 

Mom was our rock and we turned to her for comfort in uncertain situations.  There are times I when I am sad I still have the urge to pick up the phone and dial Mom’s cell, longing to hear her reassuring voice on the other end of the phone letting me know “everything is going to be fine.”  Now that she is gone, we have had to learn to be strong for one another and to make the best of out the situations we are dealt with.  We have definitely gotten in our fair share of practice of supporting one another during the last couple of years.  I am sure Mom would be proud, knowing her legacy is being carried on!

Mom’s favorite number was 13 and she always referred to it as her lucky number.  I was left scratching my head, trying to figure out why 13 was such a great number when it is associated with many negative and unsettling times in our lives.  Her explanation never made a whole lot of sense to me but I figured it was her prerogative.  The only positive thing I could associate 13 with was Rochelle’s high school and college volleyball number. 

People have superstitions when it comes to this number—Friday the 13^th and some hotels/large buildings skip the number 13 and go straight to 14.  In fact, the term triskaidekaphobia is reserved for people who actually fear the number 13.  I would not put myself in that category but it definitely catches my attention.  I am not superstitious but the number has certainly made its appearance throughout our lives.

As you are reading through the events below, you will probably find yourself wondering why Mom didn’t refer to it as her unlucky number.  I questioned this for many years as well.  It wasn’t until recently when I could finally appreciate why the number 13 was considered her lucky number.  

Mom received her first diagnosis with left sided high-risk triple negative breast cancer on December 13, 1993.  Following her mastectomy and lymph node removal, pathology showed 13 of the 17 lymph nodes were positive for cancer.  In February 2011, Mom underwent a mastectomy on her right side following a diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer and it was found that 4 of the 13 lymph nodes were cancerous.  In September 2012 following her terminal diagnosis, 13 rounds of full brain radiation was ordered to minimize the symptoms. 

On its surface, the number 13 appears to be a curse.  I really disliked the number because it seemed to rear its ugly head in ways that physically impacted Mom for the worse.  Given all of our run-ins with the number 13, I started becoming quite leery of it. 

I tried to understand how and why Mom considered December 13^th to be lucky.  Of course she experienced all of the terrifying emotions of being diagnosed with stage III breast cancer at the age of 36 but once she regrouped, she was able to see past the negatives.  She explained her cancer was both aggressive and advanced when it was detected and had much more time passed, it could have spread to her organs and bones.  In regards to 13 of 17 lymph nodes being a positive thing, Mom expressed how grateful she was that no more than 13 lymph nodes were positive for cancer.  I heard what she was saying but I fixated on the fact she had so many positive nodes.  In my mind, one positive node was one too many!  Mom found it ironic that the doctor decided to take 13 lymph nodes during her surgery in February 2011.  She was thankful only four came back positive and that she was able to receive radiation to knock out the cancer cells one final time.  When her oncologist ordered full brain radiation, Mom knew it was not a cure, however, she was grateful something could be done to help relieve her from the dizziness and nausea she was experiencing. 

Mom passed away on October 13, 2012 just shortly after 1:00 p.m. or 1300 hours.  Knowing how much Mom liked the 13^th we found peace with her situation.  I remember Dad saying, “What was the chance of Mom passing away on the 13^th?” 

During the days following her passing, one of Mom’s co-workers and dear friend brought to our attention the story of the Lady of Fatima. The Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of God, appeared six times to three shepherd children between May 13 and October 13, 1917 so they could warn the world of the upcoming trials and tribulations.  The three children were, siblings Jacinta, age 7, and Francisco Marto, age 9,  and their cousin Lucia Dos Santos, age 10. 

She came to the little village of Fatima which had remained faithful to the Catholic Church during the recent persecutions by the government.  One day in 1915, Lucia Dos Santos was playing with three other girls when they took a break to sit down for lunch. After lunch they prayed the rosary. While praying, they noticed a bright white cloud in the sky that had taken on a human form. The vision appeared to them three times.  Lucia would later describe, “Like a cloud, whiter than snow, slightly transparent, with a human outline.”

On May 13, 1917, the three children took their flocks out to pasture when two bright flashes of something like lightning from out of the clear blue sky startled them.  Lucia describes “A lady, clothed in white, brighter than the sun, radiating a light more clear and intense than a crystal cup filled with sparkling water, lit by burning sunlight." The Lady smiled and said, “Do not be afraid, I will not harm you.”

The Lady pointed to the sky saying, “I come from heaven. I have come to ask you to come here for six months on the 13th day of the month, at this same hour. Later I shall say who I am and what I desire.” As promised, she appeared to the girls on June 13, July 13, August 13 and September 13 and each time she delivered messages to the girls.

As a great sign of the whole message truly coming from God, a marvelous miracle was worked in the sky above Fatima before 70,000 witnesses on October 13, 1917 at the time, date and place that Lucy and the other two children had prophesized in the name of Our Lady of Fatima. The children were told by Our Lady that God would perform a miracle so that people would believe in the apparitions.  On that date, 70,000 people came to see the phenomenon. The miracle occurred with the sun. All could stare perfectly at the sun without blinking, or even hurting their eyes. While all were watching the sun, it rotated, got large and small, got close to the people, and got far away from them. The sun "danced ". Every single person who was there testified to seeing the sun dance, even non- believers who immediately dropped onto their knees and begged for forgiveness.

The people of southwest Nebraska are blessed to have a Lady of Fatima Shrine at the Catholic Church in Arapahoe.  Since Mom’s passing, Dad visits the shine on the 13^th of every month and during that time he prays the rosary.   In addition, on the 13^th of each month the mass at St. Catherine’s in Indianola is offered to Mom. 

I mentioned in a prior post that my pre-surgical appointments were supposed to be on May 9, 2014 but they ended up being delayed.  The new date chosen for me was May 13.  I smiled when the nurse called me to inform me of the new date. 

Dad is a numbers person.  He used to create goofy number sentences to remember dates.  I remember him getting pretty carried away and Mom finally told him to stop with the number game!  He eventually stopped doing this but occasionally, he could not help himself.  After Rochelle and Scott announced Grady’s arrival, Dad sent me a text to see if I noticed anything about the time in which Grady was born.  Grady was born at 8:23 a.m. but because I am not a math person I did not notice anything unique about the time he was born.  Dad pointed out 8+2+3 equals 13!  My first thought was Mom telling Dad to stop with the numbers game but I also found it to be neat.   All babies are miracles but Grady is something very special.  According to science, he was never meant to be.  God is good all of the time and with God, anything is possible!

So what does all of this mean?  The number has clearly shown up on our lives on numerous occasions.  I recently came to realize the number 13 is nothing more than a tool that has helped me recognize no matter how bad the situation seems, there are good things that can come out of it.  As a child, it was difficult to understand and appreciate just how incredibly strong and positive Mom was.  As I reflect back at the time we had with Mom, I cannot even begin to express how proud of her I am.  She taught us to always be faithful, thankful and to see the good in the situation at hand.  It has taken a lot of trials and time but I now see life in a whole different light.  I try my best to find the positives in any situation I am in.  I also try to help others through situations by pointing out the positives.  I am still a work in progress because there are times I revert back to being a pessimist but overall, I am by far a much more positive person!

Now that we only have photographs and memories to rely upon, I see more clearly and have a much deeper understanding of what Mom stood for and how much of a warrior she really was.  Despite her fears and the burdens she carried her unwavering faith made her the person she was.  She knew this earthly life was only temporary and there were far greater things waiting for her in eternal life.  She coped with her earthly fears by finding the positives.  I am sure she was frightened when she received her diagnosis in 1993 and the thought of a bone marrow transplant was terrifying.  I cannot even imagine being told at the age of 36 she likely would not survive.  The fear of leaving behind her young family had to have been absolutely heartbreaking.  I’m sure she had a pit in the bottom of her stomach when December 13^th came around in the few years following her initial diagnosis.  I can’t imagine the fear and sadness she felt when her doctor told her 13 lymph nodes were positive for cancer.  Who knows, she may have had a bit of triskaidekaphobia but she refused to let negativity get her down.  She powered through situations by praying and believing.  Death is part of the circle of life and we are all on borrowed time.  She did not view death as a scary thing.  She wanted to be free from the earthly problems and the pain she was experiencing due to the disease.  Mom would have loved to have more time on earth so she could enjoy seeing her grandchildren grow and to spend doing what she did best—living life to its fullest!   God called Mom home at the age of 55 and she gladly accepted the invitation.  She told us during her terminal illness that if “this is all that is left for me on this earth, I don’t want it.”  She also told Rochelle she was not afraid to die.  Two days before she passed away we believe she told God she was ready to go to heaven. 

A link to the song “You Won’t Let Go” by Michael W. Smith was previously posted.  The following lyrics illustrate what I believe Mom was thinking, feeling and knowing to be true which helped her be at peace during her final days:

No valley low, changes the truth

So I’m not afraid

You hold me close

You lead me through and light up the way

Mom was a woman of faith and there is no doubt in my mind she is dancing on the streets of gold in Heaven!